535: Premiership managers brawl: Da

by : Colin Illingworth

Martin Tyler: Welcome to Premiership Managers Brawl, live from St Andrews in Birmingham, and this competition is getting hotter than a blazing inferno. Last week Sir Alex Ferguson destroyed his bitter archrival Gerard Houllier in a pulsating encounter that had everything but tonight’s brawl is set to top even that as the pride of Birmingham is up for grabs when Birmingham’s Steve Bruce gets to grip with his Villa counterpart David O’Leary. With me as always is the legendary Andy Gray who of course used to ply his trade for Villa.
Andy Gray: Hello fight fans. Well it’s true what they say, if you want to see a good fight then get down to Birmingham. There’s no secret that these two parties despise each other, so what better way to see who’s the City’s top dog than for Bruce and O’Leary to step into the squared circle for a blood filled fight to the death!
Martin: They could always have some sort of…
Andy: No Martin, believe me, there’s no better way of settling your differences than this.
Martin: But…
Andy: No butts, this is the way it’s going to be. Bruce V O’Leary, in that very ring … tonight!
The partisan St Andrews faithful go absolutely ballistic as the anticipation grows to fever pitch.
Martin: This brawl has been the talk of the Country’s second biggest City and we sent our intrepid reporter Chris Kamara out on to the streets of Birmingham to gauge the public’s opinion on tonight’s massive clash.
Chris: Here I am in the heart of Birmingham and as you can see the streets are awash with blue and white shirts. Lets see what they think tonight’s outcome will be?
Kamara picks on some poor unsuspecting fool.
Chris: Hello mate, Chris Kamara here reporting for the Premiership Managers Brawl on squarefootball.net tv, I was wondering who you think will reign supreme tonight between Steve Bruce and David O’Leary?
Birmingham fan 1: (Broad Brummie accent) Well I think Bruce is going to win because he has everything in his arsenal. The experience of serving under fiery Ferguson and his defensive abilities are there for everybody to see. He’ll deflect everything that O’Leary throws at him, hitting on the counter attack, and eventually killing the Villa scum.
Chris: And what about you mate?
Birmingham fan 2: (Another broad Brummie accent) I agree with him. If O’Leary wins it will be a dark day in the history of this City. Come on Steve, do it for Birmingham!
Chris then reports from another area flooded with claret and blue shirts.
Chris: What do you think the outcome will be tonight?
Villa fan 1: (Broad Birmingham accent) O’Leary’s going to win, obviously. He’s got the attacking skills that the other half of this City could only dream of. He’s a shrewd manager and I’m sure he has a master plan to make sure that Bruce leaves the building in a body bag.
Villa fan 2: (Broad Birmingham accent) The filthy Blues may have home advantage but O’Leary’s at his best when his back is against the wall. O’Leary and Villa to the end!
Chris: Well there’s a sample of views from the fans in and around St Andrews. Back to you at ringside.
Martin: When this brawl was first announced I really feared for O’Leary. Villa were near the bottom of the table and the fans were on his back but recently they’ve picked up considerably and now find themselves in the top half of the table. Meanwhile, across the City, the tide has somewhat turned as Birmingham have fallen down the league somewhat.
Andy: I think on recent form O’Leary and Villa would be booking their place into the quarterfinals but this is a one off fight and it’s all about what happens tonight.
Martin: Well the big fight’s just moments away so let’s get the latest betting odds.
Andy: As you can imagine the bookies have taken a shed load of cash on this bout and not surprisingly the bookies can’t separate them, both managers at Evens. However if you’ve got more money than sense, and want a daft little flutter, then this is the place to be. If you’ve a feeling that the clubs biggest fans Jasper Carrott and Nigel Kennedy will get involved you’ll get odds of 1/16. At 1/25 you’ll get odds of Karen Brady running down to ringside but if you think tonight is the perfect opportunity for former Leeds Chairman Peter Ridsdale to get revenge on his former manager you’ll get odds of 1/33.
Martin: All of those bets seem quite plausible.
Andy: I know I’ve gone for all of them in a treble so if they do all come true I’ll pocket £15,000.
Martin: I hope you’ll split it with me?
Andy: Anymore talk like that and you’ll be walking out of here with three shoes.
Martin: Three shoes?
Andy: Yeah, two on your feet and one up your…
Ring Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, the time has come to introduce tonight’s competitors.
The noise levels inside St Andrews becomes deafening.