616: Premiership managers brawl: Go

by : Colin Illingworth

Martin Tyler: Hello and welcome to Premiership Managers Brawl coming to you exclusively live from St Mary’s here in Southampton. As you will know tonight’s brawl was set to pit two warring south coast rivals in Gordon Strachan and Harry Redknapp together but the fiery Scot has abruptly left his post earlier than usual and has thrown this bout into a spot of disarray. We haven’t heard anything from Strachan to say if he will be here tonight or not but this sell out capacity crowd are hoping that the former Manchester United, Leeds and Aberdeen star will be here to give them a proper send off.
Andy: Hello fight fans. You never know. Mr Lowe may have asked Glen Hoddle to step into his boots for the night.
Martin: Well if the rumours are to be believed then it just wont be for the night. Typical Strachan, I was looking forward to seeing him in action as well.
Andy: Don’t be so pessimistic. He could still turn up. He hasn’t said no has he?
Martin: No I suppose not. Anyway as you can see Andy Gray and I are back at the helm tonight and this has the potential to be a right slobber knocker.
Andy: Slobber knocker? You’ve been watching far too much of that American wrestling.
Martin: Well I have been sidelined for over a month, following that unwarranted attack by Steve Bruce during that huge Birmingham brawl with David O’Leary. I needed to do something to pass the time.
Andy shakes his head in disgust.
Andy: How are you feeling now anyway?
Martin: I’m on top of the world and I must tell the folks back home how grateful I am for your constant, round the clock, care and attention.
Andy: Oh don’t mention it.
Martin: No I must, I really appreciated it, but I’ve just one question? Why did you dress as a female nurse?
Andy: I only wore it as a joke (as he laughs nervously) I thought you’d like it.
Martin: Andy, I told you on the first day to take it off.
Andy: Yeah I know ... that’s exactly why I kept it on all the time!
Martin: Oh you’re so funny Andy. It’s just as well I’ve still got the pictures of you in that skimpy nurses uniform isn’t it.
Andy: You what?
Martin: Just put it this way. Any wisecracks about me during the rest of this competition then the whole world will see you trying to be the new Lilly Savage!
Andy: OK I hear what you’re saying. What is it with this programme and cross dressers? We’ll have Beckham on here soon.
Martin: What? Is that confirmed?
Andy: No I’m just making a joke. Are you sure your head’s all right?
Martin: Yes I’m fine. Well when this brawl was announced back in December nobody would have imagined that Strachan would have announced his intention to quit at the end of this season let alone quit on Friday the 13th and only Saints fans would have thought Pompey would be hovering perilously close to the relegation zone following their impressive start to the season.
Andy: Nobody would have pictured it but life is a bit like Premiership Managers Brawl… Anything can happen and it’s full of surprises.
Martin: Yeah but not everybody steps inside a ring and dies do they.
Andy: No but I thought it was quite a good comparison.
Martin: I’d think again then! Of course, Redders is a veteran of this competition compared to Strachan after his demolition of Wolves Dave Jones in our very first qualifying round so maybe we could be bidding a premature farewell to Strachan tonight.
Andy: Well Harry knows what’s in store but I wouldn’t count Strachan out of this for love nor money, if he does indeed turn up. He’s got one hell of a temper on him.
Martin: Whoever reigns supreme tonight throws their name into the quarterfinals with some of the games biggest names like Arsene Wenger, Sir Alex Ferguson, Steve Bruce and Graeme Souness.
Andy: Will Harry Redknapp get a bye into the next round if Strachan doesn’t turn up?
Martin: I’m not sure, we’ll just have to wait and see. Besides with those illustrious names in the hat already it’s no wonder Lennox Lewis is hanging up his gloves. Some of these lads could give him a right going over.
Andy: Leave it out Martin! There’s more chance of Kevin Keegan sorting out the City defence than there is of Lewis being sparked out by any of these guys. Anyway the latest betting news is this. Strachan to show up and fight tonight is at odds of 4/1, he’s never one to back down from a fight. For Glen Hoddle or Mr Lowe to take Strachan’s place in the ring you’ll get odds of 7/1 and if you think Southampton’s biggest celebrity star Craig David will fight for the pride of Southampton then you’ll get goods odds of 14/1.