645: Premiership managers brawl: Sa

by : Colin Illingworth

Martin Tyler: Hello and welcome to another pulsating episode of Premiership Managers Brawl, the contest that makes a night out on the town with Lee Bowyer and Jonathan Woodgate seem tame! Tonight we’re in the fantastic setting of the City of Manchester stadium for a fight that has more spice than a pot of paprika. If certain sections of the press are to be believed then it’s not just his life that Kevin Keegan is fighting for tonight against Sam Allardyce but also his job! Big Sam has done well to distance himself from the talk but this brawl will surely add more fuel to the fire.
Andy Gray: Er yeah…Hello? I am here you know! Jees it’s like being at home with the missus. Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit. I come to work so I can talk and what do I get? You running your mouth like an old woman!
Martin: Alright Andy. Keep your hair on. What is it you would like to say?
Andy: Do you know what, you’ve got me that wound up I’ve totally forgotten.
Martin: Ah never mind. I’m sure it wasn’t anything important!
Andy: Oh yeah, it’s come back to me. Big Sam will be seething after last weeks 3-1 defeat at the hands of Keegan in the league and will be looking for revenge tonight, and the chance to show his players how to fight.
Martin: You’re right Andy and don’t forget that Allardyce has already tasted blood in this competition when he destroyed former Leeds boss, god rest his soul, Peter Reid.
Andy: You what? He tasted his blood? What was I doing when this was going on?
Martin: It’s a figure of speech you fool!
Andy: Oh… right. Because I know Sam stole Reid’s monkey. I wonder if that will be on show tonight? Everyone loves a monkey!
Martin: I’m not sure if the monkey will be here but no doubt we’ll find out in a few minutes as this brawl is just moments away and, back by popular demand, you’ll pleased to know that we have once again been granted exclusive backstage access to both fighters and our roving reporter Chris Kamara caught up with them earlier.
Kamara: Here I am with Kevin Keegan ahead of the biggest battle of his life. Kevin you’re looking good, I guess last weeks victory over Sam in the league has given you a lot of confidence?
Keegan: Well it hasn’t done me any harm finally recording a league victory.
Kamara: I know I’ve said it already but I must say you really are looking fantastic, what sort of training have you been putting in?
Keegan: Intensive training. I’ve been kicking Robbie Fowlers backside for a few weeks now and I think you can see the benefits on both of us!
Kamara: What about defensively Kev, have you picked up any tips on how to protect yourself because Sam has an awesome punch?
Keegan: Of course I have. I live in Manchester don’t I!
Kamara: Finally, it’s been rumoured that Allardyce is after your job. I guess you’d love to knock him off and stop these vicious lies from continuing.
Keegan: Knock him off? I’d love it, just love it, if that happened! C’mon!
Kamara: Ok Kevin, thank you.
Kamara: And now I’m here standing with Keegan’s opponent Big Sam Allardyce.
Big Sam is standing there dressed for action with Peter Reid’s former monkey on his shoulder.
Kamara: Sam you’ve already chalked up one victory in this competition by disposing of Peter Reid …
Allardyce: Yeah and I stole his monkey, look!
Kamara: Yes congratulations on that. Will Kevin Keegan be your next casualty?
Allardyce: Have I guided Bolton to the Carling Cup Final?
Kamara: Erm, yes, but what’s that got to do with this?
Allardyce: Well there’s your answer.
Kamara: Nothing more to add?
Allardyce: No I’m going to win, simple as that. This will be easier than 1-2-3.
Kamara: Well there you go boys.
The monkey starts playing with Kamara’s hair and he swings to tell it to ‘get off’ but Sam stares at him and he backs down.
Kamara: Back to you at ringside.
Martin: Oh the fighting nearly started early there!
Andy: He should know not to mess with people’s monkeys… especially not when he’s on the shoulder of Big Sam.
Martin: Well both fighters feel confident. I wonder who has the moves to back up the talk?
Andy: I’m a bit scared for Keegan.