by : Chris Owens
Tranmere may have brought a bit of magic back to the FA cup this season with their memorable run to the quarter-finals, but one aspect that will be remembered for all the wrong reasons was Ian Hume's new 'hairstyle' - a skinhead with a little strip of hair down the middle.... oh dear! It did get me thinking though, who else would earn a call-up to the crimes against fashion XI?
In goal would have to be former Reading and Bulgaria stopper Bobby Mikhailov. A star of USA '94, he used to look strikingly similar to slap head teammate Yordan Letchkov, but one day decided to invest in a toupee to keep his head warm. Must have been cold down at Elm Park!
Another USA '94 legend would have to join Mikhailov at the back. Guitar strumming, fun-loving Alexi Lalas made the comedy ginger beard and wig combination the must-have fashion accessory of the World Cup.
A dash of colour in their hair has been a very popular option for modern footballers - we have Freddie Ljungberg and his red stripe for the Arsenal, or numerous peroxide blondes a la the Romanian World Cup team - what was it with 1994, were players trying to impress Hollywood directors, or what? But Q.P.R.'s Marc Bircham takes the principle to garish new levels with his blue and white hoop homage to his favourite team.
Then there's David Beckham - a football god and a fashion icon. But remember the Travis Bickle mohican of a couple of years ago? 'You looking at me?' Yes David, and you looked stupid!
Take your pick from the following candidates. Liverpool struck fear across Europe during the '70s and '80s - but that was because of their dodgy perms as much as their football. Keegan, Souness, McDermott and Thompson, each one worthy of selection.
One hairstyle summed up the 1980s - the mullet. And one man typified the 'short on top, long at the back' style - the one and only Chris Waddle! Still all these years on, he's an inspiration and an icon for middle-aged fans of cheesy heavy-metal music!
Here's another case of World Cup madness. He may have crowned a comeback from numerous career threatening injuries with two goals in the 2002 final, but what was Ronaldo thinking of with that haircut? A skinhead, but with what seemed to be a trivial pursuit wedge-shaped tuft left unblemished at the front.
If ever a haircut could damage a career, look no further than former Forest striker Jason Lee. The Skinner & Baddiel inspired chants of 'he's got a pineapple on his head' got to the big-man's confidence, and he slowly slipped through the divisions with spells at Peterborough, Southend and Chesterfield to name but a few.
He may have scored 49 goals for England and may well be one of the greatest players this country has ever produced, but the number 9 shirt must go to Sir Bobby Charlton for his shameless use of the comb-over - be bald and be proud about it Sir Bobby!
Another great playmaker with a dodgy barnet is Geordie genius Peter Beardsley. He favoured the 'cut around the edge of a pudding bowl' approach normally favoured by poor families who couldn't afford a trip to the barbers.
Only one man can claim the armband for this side, Colombian schemer Carlos Valderrama. Modelling an Afro to put current pretenders such as Ivan Campo to shame, Carlos played his entire career looking like a cross between a missing member of the Jackson 5 or long-lost brother of Beyonce Knowles' Foxxy Cleopatra character in Austin Powers!
A strict disciplinary regime, including regular trips to the Salon, and a vigorous implementation of the 'lather, rinse and repeat' training methods favoured on the continent should have these stars looking at their best before you can say 'Nicky Clarke'. Combining a new look with their on-field skills, this team should be a 'cut' above the opposition!